A Series of Seemingly Random Sesshoumaru Oneshots
by Viiola
Summary: In which I torture our favorite lord, in some seriously random ways. UPDATED! after a bazillion years...
1. A

Disclaimer: I don't own nothing...unless I can come up with about 10 trillion dollars, so there.

An Inquisition

It had been a fairly unremarkable day for Sesshoumaru. A run in with InuYasha, and some idiotic weasel youkai attempted to attack Rin. Needless to say Sesshoumaru dealt that weasel what it deserved. Now Sesshoumaru and his group were taking a break from their travels.

Sesshoumaru sat with his back to a tree, and was staring rather absentmindedly at the moon, thinking about battle strategies and whatever else he happened to have meandering about in his head. So absorbed was he, that he didn't notice Rin's presence until she was standing in front of him. Needless to say he was rather startled when his golden eyes were met with Rin's brown ones.

"Sesshoumaru-sama?"

"Rin."

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Hn."

"Where do babies come from?"

Sesshoumaru's thought process was interrupted by that question, for it didn't have a simple answer, it was something that needed to be thoroughly, or embarrassing questions would arise. Not something the youkai lord wished to reiterate over again and again. But why on earth would such a little girl ask a question such as that?! Humans didn't think of about things such as _that_ this early did they?!

" Ask Jaken."

" But Sesshoumaru-sama! When Rin asked Jaken-sama he tried to answer, but he was stuttering so much that Rin couldn't understand him! Rin told him not to stress himself, so he told me to ask Sesshoumaru-sama. And now Rin is. So could Sesshoumaru-sama please answer! Please!"

Sesshoumaru had a dilemma. He couldn't not tell the girl, because it was a necessary knowledge, but Sesshoumaru himself had absolutely no desire to humiliate himself answering the inevitable questions that would arise. He would do it though, because as this girl's guardian it was his responsibility. Also because his cowardly toad of a vassal, didn't have the guts to.

"Rin."

"Yes, Sesshoumaru-sama?"

"First and foremost... wha..."

"Yes? Go on Sesshoumaru-sama."

"First and foremost w-what are the differences between... men and females? To the best of your knowledge." God, this was humiliating.

" Well Sesshoumaru-sama, a women has these..." Sesshoumaru watched in unseen terror as the girl before him referred to her chest. When had that happened?!

"... and our privates are different, Rin thinks. I don't know anything about boys though."

Damn.

"Rin, you are correct... our bodies are indeed different. Males have a... thing."

"Does Sesshoumaru-sama have a thing?"

Damn.

"(insert deep breath here)...Yes."

"Can Sesshoumaru-sama sh-" Rin had been interrupted by Sesshoumaru's hand over her mouth.(a/n I absolutely despise the fact that InuYasha whacked off Sesshoumaru's arm. I hate using hand singularly) He had known what the question had been before it had even been uttered.

" No! I can not show you, Rin. We've gotten off topic, males are indeed different than females. An infant is created when...when..." Sesshoumaru had lost his confidence somewhat.

" An infant is created when a male feels very strongly for a female. With said female's permission a man plants his...seeds in her...garden. This garden is within a womans body, so a man's... thing must go within the woman, to plant the seeds in the woman's garden. If the man is successful in planting his... seeds, the seeds will grow into a child. That is where a child comes from Rin. The unity of a man seeds and a womens internal garden."

That wasn't so hard, right. To Sesshoumaru it didn't make much sense, but he hoped that it was enough to satisfy Rin's curiosity. It seemed as though it was, because no questions were brought to his attention. The slightly disturbed expression on Rin's youthful features amused Sesshoumaru immensely. He'd done his job, so all was set, and he hadn't died from humiliation, which was an added bonus.

" Sesshoumaru-sama?"

"Hn."

"Rin wants a baby. Will you give Rin one?" Sesshoumaru was gob smacked. He sank to his knees, and began massaging his temples. A vein was throbbing in his head.

Damn it!

Well thats that. I feel as if that's been taken off my shoulders. I know Sesshoumaru was rather out of character, but I think that in certain circumstances that would happen. Please rate and review. All flames will be used to roast wienies.


	2. Series

Disclaimer: I do not own anything...sadly. All rights go to Rumiko Takahashi. This Fanfic is based off the fan art "It's not how it looks!" by Teela-Akimoto-cz on Deviant Art. And by the way I guess you could say this one is more Jaken centric, and before anyone asks Rin is OLDER in this fic. Individual Rating: T for innuendo.

Jaken was lazily meandering his way this way and that about his Sesshoumaru-sama's mansion. As he was meandering, he came upon Sesshoumaru's living quarters. He could hear an _extremely_ odd conversation coming from within. Heavy breathing and murmured voices were coming from within and one of those voices was most certainly Rin.

" Sesshoumaru-sama, not so hard... ow! That hurts Sesshoumaru-sama!"

" Be quiet Rin. You're the one who asked me to do this."

"But, you didn't say it would hurt so bad!"

"Rin, get your hands off me. Do not complain. I am only doing what you asked of me. Now open your kimono."

No! Jaken refused to believe what could possibly be happening! His lord wouldn't make the same mistake as his father, never! Jaken heard a squeal and a poof, that sounded as though somebody had gotten the wind knocked of themselves. There were more muffled sounds of a slight commotion.

" Rin! Do not ever do that again! You are not pleasing this Sesshoumaru!"

"Sorry, Sesshoumaru-sama! It was just an instinctual reaction!"

"Humans, and their excuses. Now let me see."

"...Okay... Rin is trusting you Sesshoumaru-sama. Don't do anything bad..."

"Don't flatter yourself, human."

That was unfortunately the conversation that Jaken did not hear. His stupid, slow mind was very slowly coming to conclusions. Very wrong conclusions. Jaken made his ultimate decision...intervention! He could not allow his lord to make this horrible mistake! He slid open the bamboo door and-...!

"Jaken." Sesshoumaru stated from his position over Rin's body with his kimono sliding off his shoulder. Rin's eyes were wide as she looked at Jaken in a panic.

"Jaken-sama! I swear it's not what it looks like! Sesshoumaru-sama was bandaging a wound!" Though due to Jaken's diminutive IQ, Rin lying beneath his Lord with her kimono opened riskily, this was not deemed a suitable excuse.

" Jaken-sama! I'm telling the truth! Jaken-sama? Helloooo? Are you okay?"

Jaken was passed out on the floor. Rin, does he seriously look okay? I mean, seriously?


	3. Of

Disclaimer: Own nothing, Was reaaaaally bored. This is fairly random, and badly written.

Sure, it was an awkward couple of weeks after that, but one can get over that right? Sure. Well yeah.

Lets go two weeks into the future.

Whoosh. Yeehaa...

( InuYasha's POV)

I glare at her. No, more specifically He and I glare at her. Who is He? He, is my brother Sesshoumaru. Who is her? Kagome. That idiotic woman, who was supposed to utter a bonding charm that would make the both of us keep our words for a brief contract. All we had to do was shake hands, and she needed to merely utter the charm. But no! She goes and messes up and says a _bonding_ charm. As in a charm that bound together as if by the stuff that Kagome calls Krazy Glue. Another perk, for the next two days,bound by the hand! On the other hand... this might be fun! He can't kill me!

( General POV)

Poke

" What." Poke.

" What." Poke.

" Why are you doing that InuYasha?"

" Because."

" Because why?"

" Because because."

" Shut up."

Poke

" What!"

" How do you stay so buff when you don't eat anything?"

" Moron. If I didn't eat anything I'd be dead. Just because you haven't seen me eat doesn't mean I do not."

" ... So... hows your life been?"

" You've never wanted to talk to me before today. Why start now?"

" I'm taking advantage of the situation. We have a binding contract. You can't attempt to kill me for the next couple days."

" Oh? Is that really true InuYasha? Amazing. You've discovered reality."

"... Wha? Are you mocking me?"

" And the sky is blue?"

That's what everyone had been watching for the last couple minutes. Family Feud: Feudal Freakazoid style. The last day had not gone at all well. The two dogs had alternated between ignoring one another and having conversations similar to the one just witnessed. It was truly very entertaining.

" What was Dad like?"

" Old."

" That's all you have to say? Sesshoumaru, you know I never met him."

" He was old, quirky, an accomplished warrior...and lecherous."

" Lecherous?"

" InuYasha. You're my _half-brother_. For all I know we could have a dozen siblings we don't know exist... I prefer not to think about it."

"...Right. What's the most embarrassing thing that's happened to you?"

" Why would I tell you that."

"I'll tell you mine, if you do."

" So? That doesn't interest me."

" Come on."

"...Fine. When I first learned of your mother's pregnancy."

" Ummmm, why?"

" Our father told me at a community meeting."

" So?"

" I fainted. In front of three hundred people."

" You fainted! Heheh...phff. Wow. Well... there was this one time where... well I think you might remember... you know..."

" Don't remind me. I've seen enough of your nude body to last me another lifetime. I'm sure Naraku has too."

" Is that an insult?!"

" If there ever was one."

"... Jackass."

" You are mistaken. I am not a donkey. I am very much a dog demon, more so than you I might add, hanyou."

" You never get tired of repeating that do you?"

" Nope."

" In terms of looks I look more like a dog. So there ya go."

" Just because I don't have mutant puppy ears doesn't mean anything. I agree, you do look much more like a dog. Which isn't necessarily a good thing, just so you know."

" Vain, prick. You look like a bitch!"

"... So I've been told."

" Damn...you're good."

" Don't I know it."

" Pomp."

" Hanyou."

" Gay."

" I'm not! I'm just asexual! Vermin."

" A-hole."

" You do know that when you pucker your lips like that InuYasha, you look like you've got one on your face?"

"... Gaaaah! You win! You win!"

" Inukokoro."

" Hey! Wait... that's not an insult..."

" I know. Just felt like saying it."

" That's random."

"... Yep."

Thunk

InuYasha/Sesshoumaru: (Unconscious)

Shippo: They were getting really annoying, what can I say!

Kagome: Good job Shippo!

Miroku: Yes.


	4. Seemingly

Disclaimer: I don't own the characters

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the characters. I acknowledge Rumiko Takahashi for being the great creator.

Irritating Days in Perpetual Springtime

By Viola Castagna

A tall, white haired, dog demon lord stood on the cliff edge of the plateau. It was a warm night, and the surrounding greenery was blooming beautifully, he noticed. The sun was gradually going down behind the near infinite horizons, and the view was a spectacular array of pinks and oranges… same as every night in feudal Japan, it was getting repetitive watching the same sunset the last four hundred years, it really was. Tonight was no different. As Sesshoumaru stood staring absentmindedly into the horizons, he noted the conversation coming from his traveling companions, Rin and Jaken, who were sitting by the fire. Rin seemed to be chattering about her recent visit with InuYasha's female… Kagome was it?

" InuYasha-san had asked why Rin stayed with the bast-"

" Rin! Don't use such language in front of me!"

" But Jaken-sama that's what InuYasha-san said to Rin! He asked ' Why do you stay with that bastard?"

…. So that's what InuYasha thinks of this Sesshoumaru? Well, right back at you little brother. How he keeps those comrades with that abusive language of his, is unbeknownst to this Sesshoumaru.

"… And when InuYasha-san said that, Kagome-sama said 'Sit!' and InuYasha-san did a face plant in the dirt! It was really, really funny! Kagome-sama has really cool priestess powers! It'd be lots of fun to 'sit!' Sesshoumaru-sama! I don't think he'd appreciate it though… he'd get mad."

" Shut up! You're talking too much! I liked it better when you were mute! I'm sure Sesshoumaru-sama did too! You're hurting his ears!"

Not true. This Sesshoumaru hated her lack of speech. Sure, I'm not the most talkative demon to walk the earth, but Rin's muteness had been unnerving. I myself had coerced the girl into speaking, oddly. I succeeded, but now the girl was overly talkative.

"… Jaken-sama. Have you heard your voice? You're being hypocritical! You, sound just like a dying cat, all high and screechy! You're the one hurting Sesshoumaru-sama's ears! I pity him, having you by his side the last couple centuries! Sigh… his poor, poor, sensitive puppy ears. So if Rin is hurting Sesshoumaru-sama's ears, than you probably make Sesshoumaru-sama want to die!"

Anyone who said that Sesshoumaru agreed with Rin would be very much correct. It was true; Jaken was very screechy at times. He did wonder why he kept this particular vassal at all, probably only because Sesshoumaru had known the imp since he himself had been just a puppy. One must always respect their elders, and not kick them out on their butts.

" I don't care Rin. Shut up!"

"…. Jaken-saaamaaa!"

Augh, now she was running off to cry. Good going Jaken. My vassal could have a little more courtesy. She is only a small child after all. Now I have to go over there and sort it out. Stupid, senile imp. Making this Sesshoumaru waste his time to sort out petty arguments.

Taking care to put on a neutral expression, as to not display his irritation, Sesshoumaru began the short walk between the cliff edge and the fire.

" Jaken."

" Ah! Oh, Sesshoumaru-sama, didn't see you there. Yes, what's wrong?"

Moron. " Rin."

" What about her?"

" She is grieving. You should not follow through with her petty arguments. You will apologize."

" Yes! I apologize!"

" Not to me, to Rin."

And with a well-placed kick, Jaken found that he was flying across the length of the plateau. What good aim his lord had too, he landed right at Rin's feet. Jaken stood up to his full, diminutive height in front of the girl and took on a haughty expression, which didn't look all that great on the imp and said petulantly, " Sorry, Rin."

" For what, Jaken-sama?" She sniffled.

" For telling you to shut up, and that I don't care. I won't do it anymore."

" Yes, well, Rin doesn't forgive you."

" W-what!" Jaken stuttered.

" Jaken-sama has apologized to Rin a lot! Jaken-sama always says you won't insult Rin, but you still do! Rin's not going to forgive Jaken-sama so easily this time! Jaken-sama is going to pay! Hey Sesshoumaru-sama!"

Hm? Sigh, now I've just gotten settled, and I've got to get up again, jeez.

" Yes? What is it?" I say, when I've finished my absolutely delightful stroll across the clearing.

" Can you punish Jaken-sama? Rin isn't very good at thinking of punishments. Rin knows that her Sesshoumaru-sama is though."

Am I? " He's done absolutely nothing to me. It's your say, as to how he is punished. Do as you please. Take your time"

"…Okay!" Rin cheered considerably, and glanced mischievously at Jaken. Jaken cowered, as he looked at Rin, who's mind was obviously working out perfectly horrible ways to punish him, and at his Sesshoumaru-sama's amused expression. How cruel.

Rin was thinking… what would she do? Whenever Jaken had misbehaved, or insulted Sesshoumaru-sama. Sesshoumaru-sama usually hit him. Rin was but a little girl, so if she did anything like that to the imp, he'd probably just laugh and say it tickled. Sesshoumaru-sama really just let her do whatever she wanted. He'd only reprimanded her slightly. He'd only shouted at her once, and that was a reaction, because she had walked in on him in the hot spring. Rin really had no idea what she could do. All she could do was think…

She could… no. Maybe… nope. Aha! A perfect idea! And all she needed was some sake…

Rin trotted over to where her Sesshoumaru-sama was sitting, on the cliff edge. She just needed to ask for something….

" Sesshoumaru-sama?"

"Hm?"

" Can Rin borrow some of Sesshoumaru-sama's sake?"

Augh! How does she know that I have that? Rin… she must have been riffling through the saddlebags again. I don't drink much, but… no not really, I don't drink it.

That stuff must be a two centuries old, pretty strong stuff. As long as she doesn't drink it herself…

" Why?"

" For Jaken-sama's punishment."

"… Just don't poison him."

" Thanks Sesshoumaru-sama!"

What that little girl can have in store for that imp, I don't know. But I'll enjoy watching, this Sesshoumaru is sure of that.

Rin was rummaging through her lord's saddlebags. Where was it? She had seen it before! Comb, scrolls, bones, underwear…. there we go! A bottle of sake, just what she needed! Now to just put her plan in action! Yawn, maybe tomorrow.

The next morning Rin awoke being carried AhUn, Sesshoumaru-sama's dragon. The great big, brown, two-headed dragon was one of Rin's best friends. They protected her, were affectionate, and carried her when she couldn't walk anymore. Rin really loved them. But this morning wasn't to be spent thinking! Now where was Jaken?

Jaken was walking up beside Sesshoumaru, spouting incessant chatter. Rin could see her Sesshoumaru-sama's hand twitching. Poor Jaken, he'd irritated Sesshoumaru-sama. Three, two… one. THUNK. It had happened faster than she could see. One second Jaken-sama's there, the next he'd been pounded into the ground. How it sucks to have a master with anger management problems AND super speed. Sigh… now she'd have to wait until Jaken-sama regained consciousness. Silly Jaken-sama.

" Jaken-sama, are you okay?"

Jaken was slowly opening his eyes. Where was he? Oh yes, he'd gotten knocked out by Sesshoumaru-sama, so now he was on the hard ground being tended by Rin. Sesshoumaru was leaning stoically against a tree, carving things into it with his claws.

" Yes, fine. I deserved it, bothering Sesshoumaru-sama so."

" Jaken-sama, you got whacked so hard you've been out for the last day! You really think you deserved that?"

"Truly! I was being an unsatisfactory vassal to our lord!"And Rin is red. Sesshoumaru-sama is just being a moody demon teen.

" Umm, I was thinking that Jaken-sama might be thirsty after not drinking anything for a while. Is Jaken-sama?"

" Parched. And Rin?

" Yes Jaken-sama?"

" Might I say that you pigtail is looking particularly ravishing this morning?"

" Thank you, Jaken-sama." I'm not stupid, imp. No matter how much you think I am. Flattery won't get you anywhere.

" Well, here you go Jaken-sama." Rin poured a small cup of sake from the bottle.

"Thank you."

What happened in the ensuing time was this: Jaken somehow managed to drain a previously untouched bottle of two hundred year old sake in a little under… lets say fifteen minutes. And afterward he began gaze avidly at Sesshoumaru… beautiful, with his lurid luminescence…

Sesshoumaru noticed from the corner of eye that Jaken had been staring at him the last few minutes. Did he have something on his face? He raised his hand instinctively to his face to check. He didn't. What was it? He had no reason to be staring, with such oddly… loving eyes? What the hell?

Jaken stumbled over, and stood looking up into Sesshoumaru's bright, golden eyes, just staring, and staring.

"What is it Jaken?"

" Ahhhh."

" Jaken?"

" I swear to drunk I'm not God!"

"… Um, sure." I don't believe that at all.

" Iloveyou!"

"…Wait, what?"

Sesshoumaru heard a sharp intake of breath behind him, and the sounds of stifled laughter. Oh, so this is his punishment eh? What a smart girl. Embarrassing the enemy. A favorite tactic of mine.

" Jaken."

" Yes, Milord?"

" You'll forget you ever said that."

And Jaken blacked out… again

Jaken awoke to the sounds of raucous little girl laughter, and the bark-like laughter of an amused dog-demon. Why his companions were laughing, Jaken had no idea. It was one of those mysteries that no one would ever really figure out, like why Sesshoumaru kept Jaken by his side.

When Sesshoumaru and Rin saw Jaken conscious the laughter stopped. Both Rin and Sesshoumaru stared at the imp, and then glanced at one another. Rin was turning a brilliant red, in a vain attempt to keep herself from laughing. Sesshoumaru had regained his stoic façade, but was shuddering from barely controlled laughter.

" Jaken-sama?"

" Rin?"

" I forgive you!"

And they both began to laugh again. And all Jaken could think was…

" Did I miss something?"


	5. Random

Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha, but a girl can dream right? **Minor spoiler: Sesshy gets his arm back!**

Rin was looking. At what might you ask? She was looking at her lord's stripes. She could see them on his face and _both _of his arms, as well as his ankles, on the rare instances should she see them. She wondered if there were any more, so she decided to ask.

" Sesshoumaru-sama?"

" Hn."

" Where are the rest of Sesshoumaru-sama's stripes?"

"Eh... you'll know when you're older."

:-) I figured that there could be more than one option for the last line. There could also be: " Ask Jaken" or simply "..." Well there goes my first 69 word dribble. This is the fifth chapter is it not? Two more to go, cause I've got other **better** ideas in my head for an actual chapter story.


	6. Sesshoumaru

Disclaimer: Yada Yada, I don't own Sesshoumaru, Rin, Jaken, or anyone. I own nothing.

Sesshoumaru was leaning back against a tree, simply minding his own business, when Rin decided she was bored. What better way to pass the time then talking to Sesshoumaru-sama? Jaken-sama was so dumb, telling her that a tree frog was a type of fish. It was right in the name for kami's sake! Tree and Frog, right there. At least Sesshoumaru-sama had some intellectual capabilities.

Rin walked over to where Sesshoumaru was sitting, and sat down next to him. He glanced over at her.

"Rin."

" Sesshoumaru-sama."

"What is it?"

" Rin is bored."

" Then do something."

" Rin is. Rin is talking to Sesshoumaru-sama."

Was it to much to ask for some time alone? She had Kohaku and Jaken to entertain her, so why did she always bug him?

" Can Rin ask Sesshoumaru-sama questions?"

" If you must."

" What kind of youkai is Sesshoumaru-sama?"

Didn't she already know that? She'd seen his true form on two occasions.

" Inu youkai."

"Oh. What does Sesshoumaru-sama do when he leaves us?"

"... Things."

" What sort of things?"

" Everyone has some things they don't wish for others to know, Rin." Like he'd tell anyone of his escapades. He had needs as well, just as much as any other man.

" Like secrets?"

" Yes."

" Rin likes secrets! Rin has secrets that she's told nobody else, even though she really wants to... can Rin tell Sesshoumaru-sama her secrets?"

Sesshoumaru looked at Rin. She wished to tell him such things? He had no problems with that. Though usually these things were shared with between young girls, not a little girl and a four hundred and fifty year old demon lord.

" If you wish."

" And Sesshoumaru-sama won't tell anybody?"

Who was there to tell? His mother?

" No."

" Wellll... Rin likes Kohaku!"

There was pregnant pause in the conversation. A pause that was pregnant with octuplets... no quindecaplets.

"... Really."

" Yes! Ever since Rin spent time with Kohaku, when that bad man kidnapped Rin! Rin also knows that Kagura liked Sesshoumaru-sama before she died! Rin thinks that Sesshoumaru-sama liked Kagura too, because Sesshoumaru-sama got really mad when that rocky guy insulted her death!"

Another very pregnant pause.

" No... Kagura was a valued ally. That was all she was to me."

" Sesshoumaru-sama, did you know that you were blushing? People usually blush when they're embarrassed... Hey! Sesshoumaru-sama, where are you going?"

" Nature calls."

And Sesshoumaru left the clearing.

:) Awww, that was another random one. And since when does Sesshoumaru ever have to use a bathroom? Makes me wonder... does he mark his territory? Ya know, like a dog does? XD


	7. Oneshots

Disclaimer: I ain't Rumiko Takahashi

You are strong of heart and strong of will…  
Don't deny it, you are warm inside…  
Yes, you are both such pills…

Simply your presence causes chills…  
You simply cannot get past your pride…  
You are strong of heart and strong of will…

When faced with dilemma your heart beat stills…  
The other always takes it with stride…  
Yes, you are both such pills…

You are not your average run of the mill…  
You are not the average guide…  
You are strong of heart and strong of will…

You sometimes instill  
A terror that makes me want to hide…  
Yes. You are such a pill.

You always threaten to possibly kill  
But I'll always stand beside  
You are strong of heart and strong of will  
Yet, you are always such a pill.

* * *

SesshyStalker1: Hmmm, poetry isn't my strong point, so I wanted to try it. This is a villanelle with a few tweaks inserted, so please tell me what you think. I think it sux, but if you think that, please give me constructive criticism. If you can figure out the 2 who it's about you get the keys to a virtual LAMBORGINI!! yeah... so... yeah, constructive criticism please. And guess who I'm rambling about... so see yah!


	8. That'll

Disclaimer: Seriously, if I was the owner, the show 'InuYasha' would be called 'Sesshoumaru' and InuYasha would be the evil brother.

**Twenty ways to annoy Sesshoumaru**

1. Buy a shock collar and set it to shock him whenever he says "Hn."

2.Teach Rin swear words.

3. Introduce him individually to every Sesshy fangirl on the face of the planet.

4.Tape a "beware of dog" sign to his back.

5. Introduce him to Sessh/Inu fandom.

6. When he's in his dog form, feed him chocolate.

7. Sing "Dude looks like a lady" by aerosmith whenever you see him.

8. Put a wet noodle down his haori. Then ask "Have you seen my pet leech?"

9. Whack him on the nose with the _New York Times_.

10. Cuddle his moko-moko.

11. Pump coffee into Jaken. Ten hundred thousand million GALLONS of the stuff. Watch as Jaken guts going flying all over him, from the combined pressure of stomach contents and a MAJOR caffeine over dosage.

12. Talk about his femininity blatantly in front of him, accentuating his use of eyeliner. When he corrects you, just ignore it and tease him about his hair.

13. Give him liberty spikes.

14. Strip him completely naked, and when Rin asks " What's that thingy Sesshoumaru-sama?" just laugh.

15. Put him through the washer/dryer cycle.

16. Introduce him to his modern incarnation, who wears pink wigs and dresses. Ask him "What haven't you been telling us?"

17. Convince Rin that Sesshoumaru is a woman and that she should call her Sesshina-chan.

18. Take him to the hospital to have a X-ray. When he asks what they found say " You've got a redwood tree stuck up your ass."

19.Show him this list.

20. Proceed to do everything on this list.

* * *

**Ookay, well I was massively bored. Review and tell me which was your favorite. I particularly liked number 18 myself. Some of them were pathetic though. And a question... if an author changes their Authorname, does that make them lose their followers? If you can answer, thanks. OH!! And the two people in the Poem were Jaken and Sesshypoo, no one guessed, but since i'm such a nice person you still get the lexus. Oh and number 15 was the trauma I put my Sesshy plushie through... he was pissed at me... LOL  
**

**Adios**

**SesshyStalker1**


	9. Go on for a while

Disclaimer: Insert any humorous disclaimer... (here)

Title: What's that?

My name is Rin. I am Sesshoumaru-sama's traveling companion, and I love him soooo much! People say that Sesshoumaru-sama is terrifying demon lord who neither grieves nor bleeds, but... truth be told, he does have a gentle side. However there's just one thing I don't know about my Sesshoumaru-sama... that I want to ask him. What's that fluffy thing on his shoulder? O.O ?

Sesshoumaru could feel Rin's stare on his back, and it was unnerving, the uncharacteristic silence. Unfortunately for him... pain was imminent.

As Rin stared at the poof, she could see that the end of it dragged on the ground just a tiny bit... just begging to be touched... or stepped on.

_Please forgive me Sesshoumaru-sama!_ Rin thought as jumped into the air and ... stomped down, hard.

"...OW. Watch where you step Rin." _Or I will kill you._

" Yes Sesshoumaru-sama sir. I'm very sorry." _...So it is a tail..._

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Yeah, I know it's not a tail, so don't tell me it isn't. Well, starting soon, I'll be updating more regularly, so look forward :)


	10. Crying

Disclaimer: I'm getting REALLY tired of these things...

A/N: Chibi Inu!! And young Sesshoumaru!!

"WAAAAAAH! WAAAAH! WAAAAAAAAAH!"

_... InuYasha... so you are my baby brother._ As Sesshoumaru looked at the infant laying on the futon, he remarked at the sheer lung power on the thing.

"WAAAH! WAAAAAAAAAH! WAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

_...You can shut up now..._

"WAAAH! WAAAAAH!"

_... Please..._

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

" SILENCE!"

" WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

_...Complete DISREGARD!_

"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

**BOP! **

InuYasha's eyes were as wide as saucers as he stared at his so called care-taker. He had done nothing but be a normal baby! Yet he had the audacity to hit him? He would just cry louder to spite him...

" **WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!**"

"SHUT UP, WOULD YOU!"

" **WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!**"

" Please!"

" WAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

" Come now..."

" WAAAAH!"

"What'd I ever do to you!"

_Phff, what'd you ever do to me nii-san? You just hit me, a baby!_

"... sniffle."

"... There. Don't start again."

"...sniff... WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

" MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTHER!"

* * *

There... that's just the pointless beginning to a Chibi Inu & Sessh story arc... sorta thing, in celebration of 1000 hits. Just how I thought an interaction would be... **Now's about time to review.**

HEY! Be happy, I've updated TWICE in one day! ;)


	11. A stupid feud

Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha and other such stuff.

* * *

Sesshoumaru sat with his friend Benji, a black haired Inu youkai. The two teenagers were watching as their respective younger siblings fought in out on the lawn.

" InuYasha really hates Kurama with a passion doesn't he?"

" No, they're the best of friends! Of course they hate one another."

"His attacks are very uncoordinated, you know that. He has no plan. My brother is beating his ass. He's just sweeping in, improvising."

Both boys stuck an ear toward the fight. Random screeching could be heard as well as complaints from InuYasha. The two boys gather that Kurama had stolen InuYasha's treasured stuffed bear.

" Aaaargh! You took Mr Flufferkins! Give him back Kurama!"

" Inu-chan, why do you like this toy so much?"

" He's not a toy, Mr Flufferkins is my best friend! Give him back!"

" Nah Nah! Come and get him! Ow! Hey, no hitting! I'll tell on you!"

" Give him back... you... you bastard!"

Benji gave a shocked look in Sesshoumaru's direction.

" Who taught him that?"

Sesshoumaru looked away uncomfortably.

" Um, his mother?"

" Really?"

" Yep. Swears up a storm she does. I hate the woman. Whenever I get near the kitchen or her flower garden she hits me the broom. She tackles cooking the way InuYasha's tackling Kurama, improvising and uncoordinated, horrible cook she is. She-"

" Sesshoumaru, I get the point."

" There's no need to be rude!"

" You were rambling on and on..."

" No I wasn't!"

" Oh be quiet."

" You... you bastard! How dare you!"

" You said he learned that from his mother!"

" I lied. He learned it from me."

Just then InuYasha interjected.

" Nii-san! Kurama stole Mr Flufferkins!"

" I don't give a damn about your stupid toy!"

" Ooh Nii-san said a bad word!"

"Ooh yourself. Go away!"

" But he took Mr Flufferkins! He's my best friend!"

" I don't care! You really need some real friends you know that?"

And then Kurama interjected.

" Nii-san! Inu-chan hit me!"

" Then just hit him back."

" Okay!"

" Hey! Benji, don't encourage him to hit my brother!"

" Oh Shut up Sesshoumaru, you're so annoying."

Sesshoumaru was insulted! Annoying was he? An Inu youkai of noble heritage, and this boy and his brother, the sons of the local harlot had the nerve to insult him! Yeesh, and he thought he had befriended the guy, how wrong he was. AND he insulted his little brother, who was just as much a son of the InuTaisho as he!

As series of insults were exchanged, it turned into a brawl. Elder and elder, younger and younger, were all exchanging blows. After a few minutes it all stopped and there was silence. Sesshoumaru took InuYasha's hand and stalked off muttering obscenities, Benji did the same.

" I'll never forget this!"

" Right back at you! Pompous jerk off."

" I heard that!"

" I know."

* * *

One century later

* * *

" Sesshoumaru, how long it's been."

"Benji."

Moving faster then the eye could see Sesshoumaru was right in front of Benji. Benji had a sword in his gut before he could blink.

His last words were, " Damn, you hold a grudge."

Sesshoumaru was feeling as though a weight had been taken off of his head. With a slight smirk he turned and walked back to his campsite. Walking back to Rin he asked, " Now what was it you were saying?"

* * *

With InuYasha

* * *

" Hey InuYasha, who's that guy?" Kagome asked as she watched InuYasha's hackles rise.

" Kurama, what the hell are you doing here!"

" I've got something for you!" InuYasha watched with impatience as Kurama's hand went into his haori. What he pulled out was... Mr Flufferkins!

" Hey! That's mine!"

" I know."

Everyone was perplexed... InuYasha...teddy bear?

" Mr Flufferkins has missed you!"

_Mr Flufferkins?_

" ... Give it to me!"

" On one condition..."

" Screw it! KAZE NO KIZU!"

InuYasha retrieved his bear, and placed in a special place. Namely Kagome's backpack. Looking over his shoulder he said, " What're you guys looking at!"

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LOL, that was sorta random... yay, a slightly longer chapter to make up for the long wait. I was in Washington DC for a class trip. 4 days of bad weather... sigh, but the President Bush waved at us. Again, sorry for the delay! **NOW REVIEW, no pressure.**


	12. 20 ways to make Sesshoumaru homicidal

Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha... YET! MUAHAHAHA... lol, nor do I own Harry Potter & Company

1. Continuously question his gender.

2. When he sits down to eat at the table say "Bad puppy, go eat your chow from the bowl."

3. Randomly stab him with a rusty blunt object ( Warning: He'll most likely kill you for this.)

4. Tell him Rin is pregnant with Jaken's baby.

5. Tell him Rin is pregnant with _his _baby.

6. Get a white wig, paint a crescent moon on your head and yell "Give me all the eye liner, and nobody gets hurt!"

7. When Sesshoumaru and InuYasha are fighting yell that he's gay.

8. Dip him in a vat of honey, then roll him in catnip, then watch Kirara basically molest him. Laugh your butt off.

9. Auction him off to the lowest bidding rabid fangit... I mean fangirl, who bids on him.

10. Make Rin ask him where babies come from. Make her ask him to demonstrate with Jaken.

11. Blackmail him into wearing women's clothing.

12. Ask if he gets handicapped parking.

13. Declare your undying love for him in front of EVERYONE

14. Laugh at the irony when he steps in dog poop.

15. Make him stand directly behind Ah-Un after it's eaten a humongous bean burrito, downwind.

16. Teach Rin the Oscar Meyer Weiner song.

17. Complain about his wet dog smell after a bath.

18. Stand him next to a stereo playing playing punk rock. Crank up the stereo to a million decibels and watch him scream in agony. Watch, and laugh.

19. Ship him to America in a crate. Better yet the U.K , more specifically Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, introduce him to Hagrid and his "Bang ended scoots."

20. Do all of the above in less than a day.


	13. Fluffy's Birthday : Part 1

Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha

A/N: Takes place after last manga chapter : and I dun care if the well supposedly doesn't work anymore.

InuYasha didn't even want to know how Kagome had come across this piece of information. And why she'd bring it to his attention, he didn't know.

" But InuYasha! It's his birthday!"

" I don't give a damn about that bastard's birthday! He's already lived an obnoxiously long life!"

" I'm sure that Sesshoumaru onii-san would appreciate it though!"

" Would you stop calling him that! It sounds so wrong!"

" He's part of my family now, just like you are InuYasha!"

" SO!?"

" InuYasha... o-su-wa-"

" NO! Don't say it!"

" I will if you don't agree!"

" Fine, bitch!"

" OSUWARI!"

" I AGREED!! What was that for!" InuYasha called from the crater in the ground.

" What do you think? Let's go" Kagome said as she jumped into well. InuYasha scrambled in afterward. There was the familiar flash of blue light, and the roof of the well house appeared above the two. InuYasha leaped out of the well with Kagome on his back. Outside the doors, Souta was playing soccer by himself. When he saw the two come out of the well house, which was a fairly common occurrence at this point, he asked, " Whatcha guys up to?"

Answering his question, Kagome said, " InuYasha is going to get a birthday present for Sesshoumaru onii-san."

" Who's that?"

" My bastard brother."

" InuYasha! Watch your language around Souta!"

" He's not little anymore Kagome."

" Yeah, Sis, I'm not little. I'm 13 now! Hey wait come back!"

" Sorry Souta, we're in a rush!" Kagome yelled over her shoulder.

Pulling a cap out of her purse, she slapped it onto InuYasha's head.

" Kagome... where're we going anyway?"

" The bookstore on the corner. Onii-san seems like a guy who'd like a good book. I'll let you choose."

Hopping off InuYasha's back, Kagome handed InuYasha some cash.

" When the man at the counter asks for payment, just hand all this to him. The money you get back you'll give to me, and then we'll go back home alright? Hurry!"

InuYasha ran into the store, scanning shelves for interesting title. One particularly caught his eye. He looked down at the yellow cover, it had a black stripe and an oddly proportioned drawing of a man on the front, but the title... it was perfect!

Kagome tapped her foot. Where was he? InuYasha came rushing out as if on cue and handed the change to Kagome.

" I hope you got something good..."

" Don't worry... I even got it gift wrapped!"

" Well... that's good. Now let's go!"

Rushing back up the street, and up the shrine steps, Kagome gave a hurried goodbye to Souta and the twosome jumped back into the well. On the other side InuYasha jumped out of the well. A shadow moved across the ground, looking up, the two spotted Sesshoumaru flying toward the village to visit Rin...

"Hurry InuYasha!"

" Wait... I'll just call him."

" Wha?"

" Oi! SESSHOUMARU!" InuYasha yelled. Sesshoumaru looked down at them, but kept going towards the village.

InuYasha rushed toward the village, where they intercepted Sesshoumaru. Kagome hopped off InuYasha's back once again, and said to Sesshoumaru, " Happy Birthday Onii-san!"

Sesshoumaru glared... and glared... and glared some more.

" InuYasha got you something Onii-san!"

And yet again... Sesshoumaru glared.

" Here... Happy. Birthday. Feh."

Sesshoumaru took the rectangular gift, and looked at it curiously. Without opening it Sesshoumaru walked through the village, to Kaede's hut, where he knew Rin would be. Kagome stifled laughter as Sesshoumaru pushed through the curtain and a massive " SURPRISE!" came from inside.

Kagome had organized a surprise party for her favorite, snitty, brother in law. InuYasha laughed when Rin came barreling out of the hut at top speed, tackling her lord into a hug, Sesshoumaru's expression was priceless, and Kagome had taken the liberty of teaching Miroku how to use camera beforehand, so they actually had photographic evidence of his shock.

Miroku, Sango, Shippo, Kaede, Jaken, and Miroku and Sango's daughters, all came streaming out of the hut, carrying gifts for the taiyoukai.

Everyone watched for the taiyoukai's reaction. There wasn't really one, but InuYasha in the very least heard to the muttering of, " Damn near gave me a heart attack..." InuYasha laughed. He looked forward to seeing that picture Miroku took of his brother's initial expression...

* * *

TBC at another date! Please review, and sorry for the long wait between the last chapter and this one. I'm working on another story... go check that one out, and review for this one please!


	14. Fluffy's Birthday : Part 2

Disclaimer: Insert humorous disclaimer (here)

Sesshoumaru had forgotten his own birthday. Course that could be expected when you were 453 years old, and hadn't celebrated it in over 200 years. The last thing he had expected was a celebration, especially from people who were merely acquaintances. It had been a surprise to have received a gift from his brother, however reluctantly it had been given. He'd strode away towards the hut Rin resided in with Kaede, only to then have had "SURPRISE!" yelled at him. He reckoned his hearing would come back in a minute or two. And then a blinding flash that had momentarily disabled him. What was it with humans and celebrations that were hazardous to ones health?

And now... they were singing an obnoxious song that went along the lines of "Happy birthday to you!" over **and **over again. What was so happy about a birthday? You're a year older, just another year closer to death. And then to his disdain they began a count up, "Are you one? Are you two? Are you three?..."

Most of the humans stopped at a hundred, gaping. Only Rin continued all the way until he nodded his head at the correct number, though she was gaping as well afterward. InuYasha just looked bored.

And then... and THEN, they had made him partake in something called cake. Possibly the most revolting human food he had ever tasted, it made him nauseous. He noticed the kitsune cub, and InuYasha clutching their stomachs, their complexions a bit green.

" Kagome- chan? What's in this thing you call cake?" Sango asked wiping icing off one of her daughters faces, and looking with concern at InuYasha and Shippo.

" Well, it's chocolate cake... oh, oh no. Dang it! I'm so stupid!"

Chocolate! That idiot!

There was a momentary pause as everyone looked at the nauseous members of their group. Sesshoumaru's stomach flipped, and rejected it's contents. There was a scuffle, and everyone watched their three K9 companions rushed out of the hut. Kagome hid her head in her hands, " I am so stupid... I didn't even think..." she whispered.

" Kagome-sama, it's an honest mistake. Knowing our companions, sometimes we forget their ancestry." Miroku said, attempting to make Kagome feel better.

Rin looked politely away as she held Sesshoumaru's hair way from his face, as he vomited. She'd never known her lord to be sick, but there it was... right in front of her (lol). She felt sorry for him... not to mention Kagome-sama, Sesshoumaru-sama wouldn't be happy with her, nope, not at all.

There was another flash, and Miroku chuckled with the camera in his hands. Precious memories.

" M'lord! M'lord! Are you alright?!" Jaken screeched, as he ran to where Sesshoumaru was. His question was met with a glare. A glare that clearly said: Here I am, puking my guts out. Yes I'm fine... you idiot. Now, go away.

" Going away... going away." Jaken said as he backed slowly away, and then ran back to Kaede's hut.

Ugh. WHY? Why were human celebrations SO hazardous to his health? Thanking Rin, Sesshoumaru stood up, put on his stoic expression, and went back to the hut to glare at the people who created this truly dreadful day.

" H-how about presents?" Kagome asked nervously, handing a small box to Sesshoumaru. Sesshoumaru glared at her , but took it any way.

"It's from us." Sango and Miroku said. Sesshoumaru opened the box and looked curiously at the contents. They were round, blacks balls, that didn't seem to have much use.

"They're escape pellets. If you through just one to the ground, a noxious smoke screen will appear, allowing you to escape from your opponent."

Sesshoumaru sighed (internally of course), another thing that would be detrimental to his health. And also, they thought he'd have to escape from something? Never! Picking up another box from the pile, he opened it. It was a top.

" That one is from Shippo." Kagome said. " Hey, where are Shippo and InuYasha anyway? They didn't come back with you?"

Sesshoumaru shrugged, he didn't really care where the two of them were. As if on cue, Shippo came running into the hut hyperventilating.

" There's a demon! A really big one too!" Shippo squeaked.

Everyone stood up to go out and take on the demon, except Sango, who took her twins and herself to where it was safe. She'd leave this one to Miroku and the others.

There was a commotion outside, the villagers were panicking, and running every which way. InuYasha wasn't helping with his violent cursing. The demon was giant white dog, similar in appearance to Sesshoumaru, only more petite. A female. Sesshoumaru smacked his palm to his forehead, why was she here?

Sesshoumaru walked passed InuYasha telling him to cease his attacks, they weren't working anyway. InuYasha did, but reluctantly. Rin ran ahead, with a smile on her face, she knew this demon. InuYasha attempted to stop her, but she just kept going. Sesshoumaru was right behind her anyway, she knew she'd be safe. Besides, this demon was nice.

Everyone watched the pair sidle up to the demon dog. Upon seeing them, the dog sat down on it's haunches, and looked expectantly at Sesshoumaru.

Putting his hand on the dog's paw he said, "Why are you here... mother?"


	15. Fluffy's Birthday : Sesshmama arives!

Disclaimer: I'm not a 50 year old Japanese woman... sooo, I don't own InuYasha, But I will MUAHAHA

* * *

"_Putting his hand on the dog's paw he said, "Why are you here... mother?" _

' Because you haven't taken the initiative to visit me in the last three years, jerk.'

"Would you believe that I'm busy?"

' Right. That psychotic lunatic you were hunting before is dead, so what are you busy doing... might I ask?'

" That's none of your business."

' You're being defensive Sesshoumaru... am I going to have a grandchild soon? Is that what it is?'

" Wha... no!"

InuYasha and the rest of the his group were confuzzled. Sesshoumaru was talking to a great, massive, dog... and it was answering! Well, of course they couldn't understand what the dog was saying, because , well, it was just series of rumbles, barks, and growls, but none the less, it was answering.

AND that dog was his mother. They could not ignore the weird discrepancies in that. They'd thought she was dead... long gone, but it seemed she'd been alive all this time. Yet somehow it had never come up. InuYasha realized he's never thought about his brother's family. He knew they had the same father... but that was it. Garsh, thinking gave him such a headache!

" That was an INappropriate question, mother."

' Okay then, but I've been waiting a very long time you know. By the way, say thank you to me.'

" ... Why?"

' It's your birthday. Had it not been for me you wouldn't be here.'

"..."

Rin watched fascinated. It was like... it was like so, so cool. It was like, like, like, Sesshoumaru-sama could speak doggy!

" Oi, Sesshoumaru! Could you, um, maybe make your mom... smaller? She's taking up a lot ... of r-room." InuYasha stuttered when the great, massive, dog looked at him, her eye's narrowing. Sesshoumaru looked at his mother, and the great, massive, giant dog morphed into a petite woman, with long, flowing, silky, white hair, wearing... um... clothes.

Sesshoumaru didn't miss the mutterings of, " Wow, he looks just like her!" and " She's so young! She could be his sister!" He glared at the perverted monk, should he try anything, he would DIE.

**(A/N: Question that bugs me: How on earth do the dogs change into a humanoid form wearing clothes? How come the don't rip when they get big, and are automatically on when they change back?! Sorry, back to the supremely stupid story)**

" Who're you?" The woman asked InuYasha, her eyes narrow. Behind her, Sesshoumaru was making frantic gestures, and then doing the quintessential " Don't say anything" motion.

InuYasha watched his brother, horrified. Then he felt mildly offended. Sesshoumaru hadn't told his mother that he existed? Course he could see why, him being the bastard hanyou and all that, and the creation of an affair, but still!

" You smell like my late husband."

" Uh, um, um, do I?" InuYasha said, as he took a step away from the woman. She took a step closer.

" I'll ask one more time. Who are you?" InuYasha took another step away. She took a step closer. Another step away. Another step closer...

Sesshoumaru was frustrated. First his mother just HAD to show up, and now was suspicious of his idiotic brother, whom she of course didn't know was his brother.

InuYasha was intimidated. This woman's glare had TWICE as much ice as Sesshoumaru's, and it didn't really help the fact that the angle she was looking up at him gave him a perfect view down her kimono... but aside from that, this woman was scary!

Kagome, Miroku and Shippo just stood on the sidelines feeling like idiots. Looking like them too, with eyes bugging and jaws dropped. Kagome wished Sango was here to be an idiot with her, but she had Miroku and Shippo so all was good... but still rather idiotic. Swallowing her idiotic...ness... Kagome went to stand beside InuYasha. More like behind him, but whatever.

Kagome sent a pleading look in Sesshoumaru's direction then said to the woman, " Um, why don't you stay for the festivities... ma'am? We were all just celebrating your son's birthday, so you should join us... we were just opening gifts..."

There was tension in the air thick enough to cut with a katana.

"I've brought a present for him anyway, so yes, I'll stay... human."

"Damn." Sesshoumaru muttered. His mother glared at him, he flinched.

These human celebrations were always, ALWAYS, hazardous to his health.

* * *

Anyway, TBC! Review, review, review! And since I'm SUCH a nice person I'm gonna begin doing review replies starting with the last chapter.

Missy Misa - YourLastNightmare: Well There, you got your part 3 :) I hope you find this funny, I thought it was sort of dumb, but you made me a very happy girl, saying you liked my sense of humor! ;) It'll be as long as it needs to be...

labella48: I'm glad you like them! So do I, even when they're REALLY dumb.

InuYashaFreak: Nope. This isn't InuYasha's present. But hopefully that'll come out in the next chapter!

**Now REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW**

**By the way. I do not dislike Kagome, and the excessive adjectives are on purpose... just cause I felt like an idiot.  
**


	16. Fluffy's Birthday: Part 4

Disclaimer: Sigh... I don't own InuYasha.

A/N: Sorry about the long time since the last chapter to this update! You find out Inu's gift in this chapter... Dun Dun Duuuun... I'm very sad. I wish this was an AU so I could let SesshMama pull out the baby pictures XD

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.

.

Whomever came by and saw the group of beings would walk away confused. Two taiyoukais, a kitsune, a frog... thing, a pubescent girl, a hanyou, a demon slayer, a monk, a miko, and two little humans girls, and an infant, were a very motley crew, a once in a lifetime phenomena.

Sesshoumaru sighed, why was it that today was just getting worse and worse? He'd only come to visit Rin! Not spend a perfectly good afternoon in stifling human village, and then have to spend time with his mother! That woman was exactly what he hated in a person. She was sarcastic, condescending, and vain... god, and now he was describing himself... how sad.

Sesshoumaru glowered at Kagome. First she'd more or less stuffed food down his throat, chocolate cake none the less, causing him humiliation when his body had rejected it's contents... then she'd gone and invited this woman. There was nothing more that the woman could do to make this day worse.

Kagome scooted toward InuYasha, moving away from the demon sitting beside her. She'd only done the nice thing! Maybe, Sesshoumaru would forgive her after all this was over... no that was quite unlikely, she thought. She'd be lucky if she wasn't dead after all this.

" Sesshoumaru... you've opened Sango and Miroku's gift, and Shippo's as well... InuYasha brought out the rest, so you can open them now." Kagome said, pointing to the small pile of gifts... with one absurdly large one sitting in the background. Sesshoumaru sighed, knowing his mother, it would be some absurdly unnecessary and expensive item that would sit and collect dust in his neglected chambers back at home.

Rather than choose one from the pile, Sesshoumaru pulled the wrapped gift from his kimono. InuYasha's gift. It was wrapped in a interesting shade of red... everyone's eyes flickered to InuYasha, who shrugged, bored.

"InuYasha!" Kagome whispered, " You wrapped it in PINK?"

" You were rushing me! I just picked from the colors the guy showed me!"

" But Pink? Oh gee, I hope the gift makes up for it..."

" It's just... a lightish red!"

" They've already given it a name, InuYasha... P-i-n-k. Pink."

Sesshoumaru silently unwrapped the gift, ignoring his mother's tittering. There was no reason that he should open her gift first. What met his eyes was a curious thing indeed. He flicked through the pages, words were printed on them, a sort of modernized scroll he figured. He looked at the title, his eyes narrowing with each word he read. A Dummies Guide: Getting the Girls. Miroku snapped a picture of Sesshoumaru's expression, and also snapped a picture of InuYasha lying unconscious with sharp dent in his forehead where the book had collided with him. Oh, the precious memories...

Kagome shook her head. She never should have let InuYasha choose anything... at least he hadn't bought pornography or anything... though she wasn't so sure Sesshoumaru would have thrown that away so quickly...

Sesshoumaru reached for another gift. "Ooh, ooh! Sesshoumaru-sama that one's from me!" Rin stated. Carefully pulling away the paper, Sesshoumaru face remained stoic, as he smirked internally. It was a drawing of him, her, and Jaken. It was very nice, he would keep it with him.

"Ooh, Rin that is so great! It's sooo cute, I'll treasure it always." Everyone looked with wide eyes at Jaken.

" What?" He said. " I was stating what Sesshoumaru-sama couldn't." Sesshoumaru blanched, regardless of what he said, he would never had said it like **that**.

There was a sniff from behind Sesshoumaru. He looked over his shoulder to see his mother looking reproachfully at him. Why hadn't he opened her present yet? She was his mother after all!

Suppressing an exasperated sigh at his mother's childishness, Sesshoumaru reached for another gift.

"Sesshoumaru-sama, that's from I, Jaken!" Sesshoumaru tossed it over his shoulder without another glance. He still hadn't forgotten the frog spawn Jaken had given him for his two hundredth birthday... ugh.

Kagome had a gift for her brother in law, but first she'd have to develop Miroku's pictures...

Sesshoumaru looked at his mother's gift finally. The giant box that stood up to his shoulder. Sesshoumaru stood up and went to the box. When he thought about it... he didn't know where it had materialized from, she certainly hadn't had it before... he guessed it was a woman thing.

Bracing himself, Sesshoumaru opened the lid of the box. The room was silent as everyone stood up to look in the box. There were oohs, ahhs, and Kawaii's galore... and from Sesshoumaru there was one uncharacteristic, " What the hell?!"

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Mwahahaha! I am soooo evil! Cliffy! Review replies!

**KiraraTwoTail**: SesshMama is still alive and Kicking, that's a fact! Is it creepy that she exists or something else :'( Thanks for the review, anyway!

**_MissyMisa - YourLastNightmare_** : FLAME FLAME FLAME!! Joking , I appreciated your constructive review, I went back and read the last chapter, and I was like "WTF, I actually put that on the internet?!" Thanks so much for taking the time to review this and my other stories! You're like one of my favorite reviewers!

**MooMoo-of-Doom**: Hey, why wouldn't he flinch? SesshMama's probably the one who taught it to him :) You were right about the something for dummies guess. Was that too stupid, this chapter? I appreciate your review!

**InuYashaFreak**: I updated :) Thanks for the review!

**crimsonmoon19**: That's a very interesting theory. Thanks for answering my question, and thanks for the review!


	17. Interlude: Sorry, not Fluffy's Bday

Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha

A/N: Really short break from 'Sesshou Birthday'... thing. This just came to me randomly...

* * *

Eight years have passed boy. Eight years since your attempt on Rin's life, eight years since I neglected to kill you. You had no desire to live, a death wish.

Now... you glance at Rin, momentarily, but I can see it. You've become infatuated with her, I know your desires...

Kohaku...you really are determined to die aren't you?

* * *

This was Sesshoumaru's POV Dodges tomatoes Heh, yeah, so this isn't the next installment of Sesshou's B-day... Dodges hammers I WILL update soon though, I just have limited time, okay?! Jeez! Joking, joking... Sayonara!


	18. Fluffy's Birthday: Part 5 and Conclusion

Disclaimer: It's too early too write a disclaimer... -yawns- it's 6:00 in the frigging morning. Which means if this is badly written I won't have any clue until I've slept, so you'll have to review to tell me, okay? Yes , I haven't slept all day or night...

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What the hell was right. Who in their right mind, would get a dog demon a **puppy?! **It was preposterous! It was like a totally "what the hell"moment.

Everyone in the room looked in the box at the large puppy that sat inside. It was pure black, it's eyes were a piercing shade of bright green, and it grinned up at them, looking absolutely adorable. It stood up from it's sitting position, and put it's paws on the edge of the box, and looked about at everyone. Her eye's settled upon Sesshoumaru and brightened dramatically. It basically translated into "You're my new daddy, aren't you?!"

Sesshoumaru shot a questioning glare at his mother, who just looked smug at the proceedings.

" What is the meaning of this, mother?"

"It's your present of course. Aren't you going to take her from the box? She can't stay in there forever you know."

Sesshoumaru looked back at the box, where everyone was swarming around cooing and patting the dog, who was of course still in her box. It seemed as though the pup had other ideas though, as she violently flung herself against the sides of the box, toppling it over. Freed from her enclosure she closed the space between her and Sesshoumaru with staggering quickness. She leaped at Sesshoumaru, who found himself hugging the dog inadvertently. He glanced down at the dog, who licked his face. He grimaced slightly... yuck.

" Her name is Natsumi, Sesshoumaru. She is now yours."

"..."

" She is orphan under the guard of the state. Also it was brought to my attention that that girl "Rin" is no longer under your care, and a child always has a place in a group, am I right? Natsumi will take that place in your travels. You are obligated as the head of the 'state' to have her under your guardianship. Have I made myself clear?"

"..."

"Sesshoumaru?"

" ...Yes."

" If at any time you should want Natsumi to remove her youkai form, you know what to do correct?"

"... Yes."

" You have to be very careful with her at all times. She is hardly more than an infant in her humanoid transformed state."

"..."

"Sesshoumaru?"

Everyone else, whom I have thoroughly neglected, watched in interest as Sesshoumaru put Natsumi down on the grass. He leaned down, putting his hand on the pup's head, and muttered a few select words. The pup's tailed wagged vigorously, and with a small flash, in front of them sat a transformed youkai, looking younger than even a toddler.

She was very pretty, for one so young. Ebony hair fell to her shoulder, and her skin was very pale. Her green eyes, contrasting greatly with her pale skin, were striking. She was dressed simply. In a green kimono, and black obi. She looked up at Sesshoumaru, who stared down at the little girl, taking in her appearance, and her scents. She smiled broadly at Sesshoumaru, showing small, white fangs. She was proud of herself.

"Ooh, isn't she pretty!" Kagome exclaimed.

" Yes, yes she is." Miroku said. " Though no where near as pretty as these two." He stated, pulling his daughters close, away from Sesshoumaru. Sango held their baby boy, as she closely examined Natsumi.

"This is incredible, Sesshoumaru-sama! This girl has the markings of a daiyoukai!" Sango said, gesturing at Natsumi's claws, and the green markings present on her wrists. It wasn't surprising to him. His clan was known for it's exceptionally powerful youkai.

" How old is she?" Shippo asked Sesshoumaru's mother. She looked at Shippo with slight disdain, but answered, " 53 years old."

" Wow, she's older than I am! I'm only fifty!" Shippo exclaimed. He looked a lot older than Natsumi did, but daiyoukai aged much more slowly than a regular youkai.

" Milord!"

" Shut up, Jaken."

" But I haven't said anything M'lord!"

"What did I just say Jaken?"

" For me to shut up, but-"

" But what? Just shut up."

Everyone looked at Sesshoumaru, his temper short. It could be expected that after having a fairly long day, and now having a baby put under your care, that you'd be fairly pissed off. Everyone simply looked away, they didn't need Sesshoumaru's wrath to fall on them.

"Sesshoumaru-sama?"

" What is it Rin?"

" Well, I wondered... do you like children?"

"... I do not... dislike them." What a cold, heartless bastard he'd be if he said he hated kids.

" Oh, that's good. I wouldn't want you to be unhappy!" It was too late for that. Unhappy didn't give what he was feeling any justice.

"Oh well. I must take my leave now, Sesshoumaru." Sesshoumaru's mother said as she simply walked away, and transformed into her dog form. Without so much as a goodbye, she just took off back home. Leaving Sesshoumaru to deal with the rest of the day. He felt that maybe he should take his leave as well. There was only so much time he could spend in the presence of humans other than Rin, and stayed far too long as it was. As Sesshoumaru made to leave, he remembered with a jolt the child he was bringing with him. Looking back, Natsumi was looking at him with solemn eyes green eyes. He growled under his breath. One so young could not be expected to walk, could they? It seemed that he'd have to carry her... himself. Walking back, he stooped low to pick up the child, she held up her arms to be picked up. He obliged reluctantly.

Kagome and the others watched thunderstruck as Sesshoumaru carried Natsumi with him, over his shoulder. Kagome remembered her gift, but it was too late to give it to him now. It was a photo album, a memory book, with pictures of Rin, and the pictures Miroku had taken all throughout the day. She'd just have to give it to him another time it seemed.

Rin watched Sesshoumaru walk into the distance, with Jaken trailing behind him.

"InuYasha-kun?"

" What is it, Rin."

" Doesn't Sesshoumaru-sama look like a daddy when he does that?"

InuYasha's eyes widened as he looked at Rin's face. It was rather teary, and it was at that moment that InuYasha realized how painful it must have been for Rin to remove herself from Sesshoumaru's group. InuYasha whispered into Kagome's ear. Kagome looked at Rin, and said, " Rin. You've been here with Kaede for three years... do you want to go with Sesshoumaru? I'm sure he'd take you with him."

Rin sniffled, " But Kagome-sama, Sesshoumaru-sama left me here."

"Only because Kaede-baba thought it would be better" InuYasha interjected.

" InuYasha's right Rin. Sesshoumaru wouldn't have left you if Kaede-baa hadn't requested. You should go, if that's what would make you happy."

InuYasha said with a smirk, " Also, I'm sure Sesshoumaru could use some help with that kid he's got on his hands now, don't ya think?"

" Do you think so, InuYasha-kun?" Rin said, looking up.

" Oh, I'm sure of it."

" You're absolutely positive?"

" Yes, Rin."

" You're sure?"  
" Yes!"

" No strings attached?"

" No!"

" He'll take me back again?"

" YES, RIN!"

Rin giggled, " I was only playing, InuYasha-kun!"

" GET GOING ALREADY, GIRL! If you're going I mean."

" InuYasha! Get a grip! Rin's going to say goodbye to everyone, isn't she?" Unfortunately Rin was already far away, yelling a hurried goodbye, chasing after Sesshoumaru.

Everyone watched from a distance, as Sesshoumaru turned around, Natsumi in hand. It was silhouetted against the setting sun. Rin latching onto Sesshoumaru's legs, releasing joyous cries that could be heard even from their distance.

It was all very sweet. They could see Sesshoumaru looked down at Rin, simply standing there, as Rin explained her choice, and waited for Sesshoumaru's reaction. It was rather out of character really. Sesshoumaru picked up Rin with his free arm, and let her hold on around his neck. He said something that they couldn't hear, but it made Rin beam from ear to ear. Everyone watching smirked, it was nice to see happy people, especially when the happy people were two of their closest friends. Rin waved over Sesshoumaru's shoulder back at everyone.

It was the start of something new, and for Sesshoumaru it might be the best times of his life. With his two girls... what will he do?

* * *

**Cries And that's the end!! I'm writing spinoff from this chapter as I speak! It'll be a new story. And Yes, I realize it was rushed! But I'm really bad at endings! A Series Of Seemingly Random Oneshots is now OVER. A Sequel is imminent though! The Sequel to this chapter will be called... UM I DON'T HAVE A TITLE YET!! lol, I'll do more random oneshots, as well. Just In another story. KUDOS TO ALL THAT HAVE REVIEWED! STAY TUNED  
**


	19. BWAHAHAHAHA I GOT U ALLLL!

Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha

A/N: **BWAHAHAHAHAHA**, am I not evil? **I TRICKED YOU ALL!! ADMIT IT!! I GOT YOU!! **Call me anything you want, I know I'm friggin demented. Here's a taste of what's to come in A Series of Seemingly Random Oneshots! It'll never end!!

A/N 2: I was telling the truth though, when I said I was writing a sequel to Sesshou's birthday as a whole new story.

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Title: Sesshoumaru's Help Panel

A/N: Okay, here's how it works. Send in a (fictional) problem and/or question, and get Sesshou's answer/advice! I'll try to keep him in character!

**Put your reviews in this format please!**

_Dear Sesshoumaru-sama,_**(or any nickname for fluffy-sama you can think of... 8D just to irritate him.)**

_Yesterday my boyfriend left me for my sister in law, who is already married. What should I do?_

_Sincerely,_

_(Insert username here...)_

Example reply:

Dear Lonely and Confused,

Firstly you idiot, if she's your sister in law she's obviously married. There was no need to make that clear to me. Secondly, why the hell am I answering these questions for pathetic humans? You should kill the dishonorable bastard. That would solve everything. It would break the harlot's heart, thus getting you the revenge you desire, and also the whole problem would be eradicated. Simple really.

-Sesshoumaru

**.**

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**Easy right? Now let's get started! Bring in the questions!**

**That evil lady, SesshyStalker1 -Signing off!**


	20. Pooftasama's Answer Column 1

Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha

A/N: DANG! I've never gotten reviews so fast... put last chapter up like... an hour ago? Since I'm typing this, I might miss a few reviews, if they're posted while I'm typing. If so, very sorry! I'll get yours next chapter! **Eeeyah, spoiler in this, just cause the question just about called for it! Sorry!**

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_Dear Sexy, Sesshou-kun,_

Is it true that you have Jaken do your make-up? Because... I've heard the rumours spread by (... no names mentioned (ahem--Rin!--ahem) and also I've seen the crudely, yet adorable and kawaii, drawn pictures of you. Oh, and speaking of that is it true that you used to run around the villages butt naked as a child? It's a shame that you've stopped.

Sincerely, yet not so sincere,  
Missy Misa 

Missy Misa,

My name is Sesshoumaru-sama, not Sesshou-kun. I am not your friend, so don't presume to call as so. I do not disagree that I am however, as you say... sexy. But that's beside the point. No, Jaken does not do my "makeup" whatever "makeup" is. They are demon marking, a sign of my daiyoukai status. What do you mean 'crudely drawn'? I was not under the impression that I had had a portrait drawn. I shall kill the person who has the nerve to draw me " adorable and _kawaii_." WHO SAID I EVER RAN AROUND VILLAGE'S NUDE?! ( scary demon transformation) ... I'm going to find my mother now, and destroy her.

Sesshoumaru

-

_Dear Lord Popsicle-Up-Your-Ass,_

Why are you so icy all the time? You should start getting a personality check, or making fun of you will be even more entertaining in the future.

_Seshygodestris _

Seshygodestris,

What the hell is a 'popsicle'? Whatever it is, I do not have one as you so crudely put it, up my ass. That is simply my personality is, and it will be that way always. ... Making fun of me for my personality? You shall die... slowly and painfully.

Sesshoumaru

-

_Dear Lord Sesshoumaru-sama,_

I heard that you're in love with JAKEN! OMG! I'm like gonna spread it even though I know it's not true!

Sincerely,  
Evil Person Who Isn't Associated At ALL With Naraku (Or Is She?) 

Are you or are you not associated with Naraku, fiend? Not that it matters, now that Naraku is destroyed. You heard that I'm in love with Jaken. That is pure (Censored)(me: OMG SESSHY SAID BS!). I will find you, and without a doubt kill you painfully and slowly, but not before ripping your tongue out. Your flapping lips will cause the deaths of all that spread this atrocious story. That is now on your conscience, as I search for you.

Disgustedly,

Sesshoumaru

PS. What's it with the Lord Sesshoumaru-sama... you humans have no intelligence. It's one or the other.

-

_Dear Sesshomaru-sama,_

Do you enjoy having a huge fan-girl base? Would you ever consider getting romantically involved with one?

P.S. I am not a fangirl, just wondering

_-dpdclover_

dpdclover,

(OOC shuddertwitch) Ugh, don't even go there. It's good to know there's at least one mentally stable woman out there.

Sesshoumaru_  
_-

_Dear Lord Sesshoumaru, _

_I wish to apologize for SesshyStalker1's mistreatment of your person._

Sincerely,  
Foxyvixen17 

Foxyvixen17,

... You're not forgiven.

Sesshoumaru

_(Me: But, but, but... IT'S FUN TO MISTREAT POOFTA-SAMA!!)_

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Yeah, hope this was okay! Might have been a bit OOC, but OOC is fun! Review, and ask another question if you want! Hey people, let's get some problems! Don't you want his advice on how to solve them?

SesshyStalker1

PS. This is all from Sesshoumaru's POV, so I apologize if I... well, if I ever accidentally offend anyone!


	21. Pooftasama's Q&A 1

Disclaimer: I don't own InuYasha, but this is more fun anyway!

A/N: New format! And I edited a few things, but I hope I got the geist of what you wanted! Sorry if I made you act in ways you wouldn't!

_._

_._

_The scene opens onto a stage, the background is dark. The chattering of the audience can be heard. _

SesshyStalker1: Welcome to the pilot episode of Poofta-sama's Q and D (questions and dares)! I've brought Poofta-sama here so you can ask him questions that he must answer! I'd like to introduce seven very special people who have volunteered, despite the risk of life and limb, to ask Poofta-sama some very _interesting_ questions, and some dares too! Their names are Seshygodestris, Dpdclover, Fluffylover119, InuYashaFreak, Electro, and our favorite cute character, Rin-chan! A round of applause for our volunteers, folks!

_( six just mentioned troop onto stage. There is scattered applause)_

Sesshoumaru: Girl, my name is Sesshoumaru. Not the childish, _Poofta-sama_, which you seem so very fond of calling me. _(Looks at audience)_ You said there'd be no others, liar!

SesshyStalker1: ... No... I said there'd be limited others. This is only national television. Be thankful it's not a global network, Poofta.

Sesshoumaru: Television?

SesshyStalker1: ... nothing. But Hey! Let's get crackin shall we! First up is Fluffylover119!

Fluffylover119: Hey, Lord Dumb butt, what's crackilackin? BWAHAHAHAHA, YOU SHALL NEVER FIND MEEEEE!! _(Runs off stage)_

Sesshoumaru: ... I'm being held against my will. And Yes, I will find you. _(Picks up a conveniently placed handkerchief Fluffylover119 dropped...) _

SesshyStalker1: Okay, well. Fluffylover119 wants you all to know that she likes cheese!

_Audience: YAY! Cheese! (raucous applause)_

SesshyStalker1: ... It seems my audience consists of mice and really weird fangirls... BUT! That's beside the point! Next we have Dpdclover!

Dpdclover: Hey fluffykins? Since we've never seen you eat anything, do you eat dog food?

Sesshoumaru: DO NONE OF YOU KNOW MY NAME?! What is with women and these, as they would say it, _kawaii_ pet names?! It would depend on what defines _dog food_...

Dpdclover: Ya know, the crunchy stuff, that tastes like... chicken? Usually with names like poultry delight and other misleading things?

Sesshoumaru: _(glares at SesshyStalker1) _You said that was cereal!

SesshyStalker1: _(whistling)_ Did I? Well, I suppose that answers your question doesn't it, Dpd? Heh, Sesshoumaru eats dog food on _occasion_ it seems. Next is InuYashaFreak!

InuYashaFreak: Hey, I have a question! Lord Sesshoumaru, I've read a few stories in which you _love_ InuYasha. Is this true?! _(pulls out pen and pad of paper, basically some weird paparazzi)_

Sesshoumaru: What do you think? _(signature glare)_

InuYashaFreak: Uh, um... well, no?

Sesshoumaru: You have any doubt that I thoroughly despise InuYasha? Whenever I hear of these despicable _fan fictions _with this theme, I think to myself, would these authors want stories written about them, and completely crap things made up about them fu-

SesshyStalker1: I think we get it. Hey oh to all the Inucest fans out there! How would you feel if someone you didn't know wrote a story about you screwing YOUR siblings?

InuYashaFreak: Ah, Okay. _(dejected paparazzi look) _I'll be going now... _sigh. Thought I had the big scoop this time around..._

SesshyStalker1: Sayonara, InuYashaFreak!

InuYashaFreak: _Yeah... bye._

SesshyStalker1: Yeesh... mopey. This is from Electro!

Electro:You keep saying that you hate humans, but yet you have Rin by your side. And you also shown kindness to Sara or Zara? whoever that girl was, who was later found out that her body was being controlled by demons. By that, it would have seemed that to you, humans couldn't be all that bad. Though of course you can still hate those bandits and those other humans who want to try and hurt/kill you(as if they can, what losers!) I'm just saying, because you seem more sweeter and softer than you used to be. You even seem to be a little nicer to your little brother. Don't be afraid to admit that truth!

Sesshoumaru: _(Glances at Rin who happens to beside him. Wonders absently why she's clutching her stomach)_ Rin is by my side because I find her... intriguing. The woman's name was Sara, and I harbored no feelings for her, she was not evil, just a spirit possessed. She did not change my opinion of humans. True, humans are not a vile, despicable, creatures... but the vast majority are. This Sesshoumaru is not sweet nor soft... what the hell are you doing?

SesshyStalker1: _(hugging the Poofta)_ Oh, Poofta-sama! You're so soft and fuzzy! _(deep inhalation)_ Ooh, what soap do you use? You smell so sweet!

Sesshoumaru: ...

SesshyStalker1: _(Nuzzling the Poofta) _Sooooo fluffy...

Sesshoumaru: _(shoves SesshyStalker1)_

SesshyStalker1: -cries- You'll pay!

Sesshoumaru: Oh shut up. I know my brother to be a worthy opponent, now that Naraku has died. And with my sword Bakusaiga, I have no need of the Tetsusaiga.

SesshyStalker1: _(Praying that everyone reading this has read the manga, cause that was just a spoiler...) _Oh, what was that? Is the question answered? Might I ask what is so intriguing about Rin?

Sesshoumaru: ... S-

Rin-chan: Sesshoumaru-sama! My tummy hurts... _(clutches stomach) _and there's this weird brown, dried stuff on my kimono, Sesshoumaru-sama! What is it Sesshoumaru-sama?! Is Rin dying?! Help me, Sesshoumaru-sama!

Sesshoumaru: O.o

SesshyStalker1: Oh... ugh. It's dripping. Aren't you going to do anything about this Sesshoumaru-sama? Maybe _explain _what's going on. _(Maliscious grin)_ Oh... are you alright, Poofta-sama?

Sesshoumaru:_(Banging his head on wall)_

SesshyStalker1: Well, I'm not gonna do it... you should've thought about this when you adopted a human girl...

Sesshoumaru:_ (Tinted green)_

SesshyStalker1: Oh, please if you've got to puke, go over there.

Sesshoumaru:_(hiccup)_ I'm fine...

Rin-chan: Sesshoumaru-sama!

Sesshoumaru: ... Well... what exactly is wrong?

SesshyStalker1: You don't know? Then why were you gagging?

Sesshoumaru: Well there's just this terrible scent in the air... it's like blood, but different somehow.

SesshyStalker1: Um... stop playing stupid, Poofta-sama.

Sesshoumaru: What are you insinuating?

SesshyStalker1: _(Too audience)_ Well it seems that our daiyoukai friend really doesn't know what's wrong. It seems we'll be giving the _talk_ to more than just one person tonight my friends... any volunteers? Maybe a doctor?

_(Cricket Cricket)_

SesshyStalker1: Uh... okay... _(spots one hand up in the back of the room)_ Ah, yes you! Back there!

Random Man: It seems your daughter is menstruating sir.

Sesshoumaru: SHE'S NOT MY DAUGHTER, menstruating... oh yes, my father told me about that a few hundred years ago. Damn, now I'll have to leave for two weeks every month.._.(Imagines the PMSing)_ Well. Now...

SesshyStalker1: It seems our friend is tongue tied... let me sum it up... Hey Rin... YOU CAN HAVE POOFTA'S BABIES NOW!

Sesshoumaru AND Rin: O.o

SesshyStalker1: Okay...sorry. Random outburst... there... I'm not into lolita, just so everyone knows that...

SesshyStalker1: It seems we have a dare... from Seshygodestris! Come on up!

Seshygodestris: Hey, lord Iceburg! I dare you to give SesshyStalker1 a mind blowing kiss! I'll call you a wimp if you don't!

Sesshoumaru: No.

Seshygodestris: Wimp!

Sesshoumaru: No.

Seshygodestris: Wimpy, wimpy, wimp, wimp, wimp!

Sesshoumaru: No.

Seshygodestris: Wimp, you've done more than kiss a girl, I know it!

Sesshoumaru: True...

Seshygodestris: Wiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimmmmmmmmmmmmmp.

Sesshoumaru: Fine, this Sesshoumaru is no 'wimp.'

SesshyStalker1: _(cowering behind chair)_ Sesshoumaru. Go. In. The. Other. Direction.

Sesshoumaru: This Sesshoumaru always finishes what he starts...

SesshyStalker1: Get awaaaay!

Sesshoumaru: _(Yanks SesshyStalker1 up by the collar)_

SesshyStalker1: Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh, gross! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh- amph_ (Is silenced by kiss)_

_(the calm before the storm...)_

_**POW!**_

SesshyStalker1: SESSHOUMARU YOU BASTARD! THAT WAS DISGUSTING, YOU DOG! YOU'VE GOT DOG BREATH!! DO YOU KNOW HOW OLD I AM? DO YOU?! DO YOU?! FOR YOUR INFORMATION I'M FOURTEEN YEARS OLD! HOW OLD ARE YOU? LIKE NINE-HUNDRED?! YOU PED! I CAN'T BELIEVE I IDOLIZED YOU, YOU, YOU... FREAKING GUY THAT KISSES YOUNG TEENAGERS! I FIND BOYS MY AGE GROSS STILL! AND YOU HAVE THE NERVE...!! OH MY GOD... I actually rather enjoyed that...

Sesshoumaru: ... That was disgusting.

SesshyStalker1: ... POOFTA-SAMAAAAAA...

Sesshoumaru:..._(ulp)_

SesshyStalker1: Hey, Poofta-sama? I've got a question for you... do you wear underwear?

Sesshoumaru: ... What? Why?

SesshyStalker1: Just wondering.

_(Lights go out)_

SesshyStalker1: Hey Missy Misa! Come here!

Missy Misa: Yes?

SesshyStalker1:_(whisper)_

Missy Misa: _(Smirks)_

Sesshoumaru: What are you PLOTTING? Wait... augh! Let go of my pants!"

_(Lights come back on)_

_Audience: O.o_

SesshyStalker1: x.x ...So I guess Sesshoumaru doesn't wear underwear... oh wow.

Missy Misa: O.o yeah I guess not... hey Sesshoumaru-sama! I didn't know you blushed!

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Okay... I KNOW that was OOC, but it was sooooooooooooooo fun to write! Keep em coming!

SesshyStalker1!!


	22. Eh heh

Disclaimer: InuYasha and Co are property of Takahashi-sama

Disclaimer: InuYasha and Co are property of Takahashi-sama!

A/N: YEAH, I'm back!! Well, back long enough to write this utterly awful one shot! This is based on a _very_ scary dream that I had…

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" What is this?!" Sesshoumaru asked sharply.

" What is what, Fluffy-sama?"

" This. What is **this**?" Sesshoumaru said, rattling a piece of paper in the face of the girl looking up at him from her computer. She turned away from the computer, to look at the demon, only to look back at the computer after a moment, terror stricken.

" I do believe it is fan fiction, fluffy-sama."

" Fan fiction."

"Yes, fan fiction."

" I do not like it."

" No one asked if you did."

" This is… _" Twenty Ways to Make Sesshoumaru Homicidal #18: Stand him next to a stereo playing punk rock. Crank up the stereo to a million decibels and watch him scream in agony. Watch, and lauuuugh." _You wrote this?"

" Why ye-" Sesshoumaru's eyes began to bleed crimson, " Ah, no. I did not, well I mean…uh… InuYasha wrote it!"

" You expect me to believe lies?!" The demon snarled.

" Um… I sort of hoped you would…but I'm not lying! It was InuYasha, really!"

Sesshoumaru took a closer look at the girl quivering in front of him…

" You're the one who pulled down my hakama the other day, are you not?"

" Uhhh, Uhhh, WELL YOU KISSED ME! YOU PEDOPHILE!"

" Not because I wanted to, you little bitch."

" I'm not little! You're just a bazillion years old! You're not even real anyway!"

POOF

" Hahaha, that works every time…" the girl said, moving to look at the manga lying on the computer desk. She flipped through it, happy to see that Sesshoumaru was back where he belonged.

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Yesh! I'm just happy that I've updated, even if it was utter crap!


	23. Meh

Disclaimer: Due to the fact that the price for the InuYasha copyright is over a bazillion dollars possibly, I'll never own InuYasha. And besides, the manga just ended, so why would I want a story that I couldn't continue?

A/N: Manga spoilers for chapter 467. **And, yesh, I'm back... sorta. I'm starting anew really, and I deleted my other stories. :P You'll recognize this from another story I wrote, since I deleted that other...story, yeah.**

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Sesshoumaru was in a contemplative mood this morning. He was thinking of the little girl he watched, who was innocently picking flowers without a care in the world. He wondered what had caused him to resuscitate Rin. Had it been her sympathy? Maybe he had just been experimenting with his Tenseiga, but Sesshoumaru had known that there was something different about this girl, something that had thawed his frozen heart.

He had been distraught when his carelessness had killed Rin, when he had brought her to hell with him. Her life had a great meaning, more than what he'd thought it had. Strengthening his sword in exchange for her life, had been accidental, but the experience was a scar on his mentality. He hadn't been able to explain his grief at her death, nor his (restrained) joy when his mother had given back her life that had been taken.

When he had made a vow to never love a human, he hadn't ever anticipated that one day a human child would have a part in his life. He was certain, that Rin, though small, had achieved great things, the most important being teaching him a compassion that he never would have had otherwise. He thought that perhaps, just maybe, that he shouldn't have said never. Yes, " not in the foreseeable future" had a much better sound, didn't it?

Rin was a happy little girl. She had Sesshoumaru-sama, Jaken-sama, and AhUn. They were her family. She was protected by her lord, who was handsome, kind, maybe cold... and sorta boring, but her favorite none the less. And there was Jaken-sama, who was her temperamental caretaker, and a great source of entertainment. AhUn was her partner, the dragon who loved her and protected her when Sesshoumaru-sama wasn't around. Indeed, she was lucky to be able to stay with this diverse group of youkai who meant so much to her.

Rin looked over her shoulder, holding a bouquet of flowers. She could see Jaken-sama struggling to get AhUn to get up, complaining that it was almost time to leave, and Sesshoumaru-sama was looking as he always did, stoic and aloof, as he sat on a boulder protruding out of the ground. Rin was wondering why, despite his appearances, that her lord seemed discontent. She could tell how he was feeling by scanning his eyes, something she had learned over time spent with the taiyoukai.

Rin meandered her way over to Sesshoumaru, stopping every so often to pick a particularly pretty flower. When she was right in front of him she said, " Sesshoumaru-sama? What're you doing?"

Sesshoumaru twitched slightly, he hadn't noticed the girl approaching, and being addressed had startled him out of his musings.

" I am waiting. We are leaving soon."

" Oh... well Rin thought that Sesshoumaru-sama seemed a little uncomfortable... Rin thought that maybe Sesshoumaru-sama was confused."

" No... I was just thinking." Sesshoumaru remarked that Rin was an exceptionally perceptive girl.

" Okay. Here, Sesshoumaru-sama, these are for you!" Rin said as she handed the bouquet to Sesshoumaru. Sesshoumaru reluctantly accepted the offered flowers, and tucked them into his sash, if only to make Rin happy. With a skip in her step, Rin went towards Jaken, but she heard a sigh, a soft one, but one none the less. Looking over her shoulder she saw Sesshoumaru looking down at the flowers in his sash. She backtracked and stood again in front of the taiyoukai who was now standing.

Looking up into his golden eyes, which looked back at her curiously.

" Rin, we're leaving now."

" Sesshoumaru-sama..." Sesshoumaru's eyes widened as Rin put hers arms around his waist in an unexpected hug. Looking up at him, Rin said, " Sesshoumaru-sama, Rin hopes that you figure out what's troubling you, because Sesshoumaru-sama's worrying Rin, being so sullen."

Sesshoumaru answered, " I'm fine Rin, don't worry yourself."

" Thank you, Sesshoumaru-sama."

Rin walked back towards AhUn. She had been surprised when she'd had the nerve to hug Sesshoumaru-sama, and had been even more surprised when he'd let her, for he was a youkai who valued personal space. Fortunately for her, Jaken had been too busy with AhUn, to have noticed her 'misbehavior'.

Sesshoumaru watched Rin walk towards AhUn. That girl was something else entirely...

Rin was having trouble climbing onto AhUn. The saddle kept slipping as she attempted to get aboard, not to mention Jaken was being naggy again, calling her a lazy human, who couldn't even climb into a saddle. Out of nowhere a rock hit Jaken in the back of the head, causing him to fall forward.

" Who threw that!" Jaken screeched, as he looked behind him to see who had thrown it. There was nobody. Rin giggled.

On the other side of the field, Sesshoumaru smirked. A little quick foot work worked wonders. Moving faster than Jaken could see he'd stood behind the toad, thrown the rock, and gone back to where he'd been originally, making sure Rin had seen him as he'd stood behind Jaken. Rising up into the sky he motioned for AhUn to follow him. Rin clambered on and as AhUn rose into the sky Rin whispered "Thank you, Sesshoumaru-sama!" There was no reply, but Rin hadn't expected one.

With that, they all flew into the distance.

Sesshoumaru heard Jaken call, " Sesshoumaru-sama, wait for meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!"

Eh, he'd catch up... eventually.


End file.
